A Message to the Wind

Sighing, then screaming, gusting and flowing
Movement and rapture, now dying, now blowing
Awaiting a storm, our fate you decide
To live, to survive, our families divide
What light from our souls you force to withdraw
Our fears, hopes and lives you scatter, wounds raw
To a far distant reality, one full to o'erflowing
aspiring to rid space of all clarity, all knowing
A hole in the universe, our calamity you chide
Our fondness for memory you seek to deride
The body, like so much dust or like straw
is carried away on your wings, breath drawing
like billows of fine silk, seeking waves full of change
Our souls float away, their presence, to you, strange

Sugar & Spice...

"Ring around the Rosie, a pocket full of posies" Has it really been almost five years? How well I remember the day you came into our life! Always one to make an entrance, your birth was no exception! How blessed am I to be your mother, your best buddy and how grateful I am when you tell me that "even when I'm a mama, you can still call me your baby"....

Always inventing and imagining, whether you're a princess or a kitty, rowing a boat around the living room, or racing like a cheetah with Jack & Zander-your ideas and creativity never cease to amaze me!

The smartest kid I've ever met-and I'm not just saying that cause I'm your mom! You've been writing for well over a year...in fact, I have a picture of you at 17 months, sprawled on your tummy with a scrap of paper and pen in your hand, scribbling your "yist" (list)--you've always had the most amazing artistic skills and every day I'm impressed and amazed at your growing ability to express yourself, whether telling me I'm wierd, thanking me for 'such a nice dinner', writing grandma a letter and sounding out the words as you write them or drawing amazing pictures of pegasus and spiderman.

You have a tender heart, wrapped in a tough little kid. Always everyone's best friend and the first out on the playground, you have such a desire to have fun. The protective big sister, you watch out for your little brothers and you're never shy. Eager to discuss important issues, like why foxes have such bushy tails, why dinosaurs turned into fossils, you are good at telling me how you feel inside. I hope and pray you never ever lose that desire-I LOVE to hear what's in your heart!

As I look back at how my life has changed because of you, I am so thankful to Heavenly Father for a little girl like you-wise and genuine, smart and spiritual at a young age. You have taught me so much about patience, love, prayer and my heart. You really will always be my baby, even though the passing years show me how un-like a baby you are anymore. A bittersweet trade-off, I will never forget the chubby little strawberry blonde cherub in a pile of cheerios you dumped in the living room, your fist in your mouth and your other arm stuffed inside the box! I will always miss you needing me for little things, but I love watching your independence blossom. You will be an amazing woman, I can see it in your spirit and strength, your determined face and loving heart. You're my best girl and Mama loves you RoRo...Happy Birthday Tater! :)

Birfday Reminiscing

Jack will be 3 on Thursday, complete with football unnerwears, wirey legs and arms and a not-so-chubby-anymore boy tummy :( He's obssessed with superhero's-the black AND red and blue "Piderman", Superman, Batman, Gateboards, his "fast socks" (socks with racing stripes on them), racecars, mogercycles, buitars, drumming and singing.

He's very cuddly and loves his mama (I think) the best ;) He is very sensitive and sweet, he loves to laugh and tickle and wrestle. He's not really gotten into the terrible twos or even threes yet, the only issue we've really had has been his secret desire to be a baby again...which makes sense, under the circumstances-he wants to be held a lot. He loves his "old blanket", but at night wants to cuddle under his "tripey blanket", a fluffy comforter with stripes. He speaks very clearly, aside from cutting off any "s's" that start a word-hence the 'piderman, tripey blanket, gateboards, etc.

I see my little son as such an individual. So different from his sister, from his mom and dad...I think he has immense potential to be a leader, a gentle little soul and intelligent and thoughtful friend. I pray that he retains that sweet nature, tempered of course by rambuncious boy traits, such as athleticism and a silly sense of humor (which he already has--you should see him with a soccer ball!!). I love his fluffy eyelashes and pretended bashful nature, the way he secretly looks up to his big sister and tries to outdo her in everything, and at the end of the day, comes to me with his little arms outstretched for a cuddle with his 'old blanket'. I hope he never changes and while I miss the little toddler he was, I love and adore the little boy he's growing into.

Mama loves you Jackie Boy!! Happy Birfday Sonny! :)

"As I have loved you..."

What makes a friendship? Is it time? Common Interests? Is it sharing personality traits? Trust? Love?
I'm in a more stable place in my life right now, and I'm looking around, realizing that other people, people I love and care about-maybe even strangers on the street, don't share my feelings on friendship. Maybe my feelings are wrong. I'm entitled to think they're pretty accurate, tho that's just my opinion...

To me, as cliche and lovey-dovey as it sounds, anyone can be your friend. And by this I mean that each of us deserves to be served, loved. We're also obligated to serve others. And I guess I look at friendship that way. Friendship is the realization of the fact that we're all human, all children of a Heavenly Father and all put here on earth for the same overall purpose-to love each other. That's it. Simple! So, basically, we're here--our JOB here, our requirement--the only thing He asks of us, is that-to be friends.

I don't have to know someone for years to want to help them out. I don't have to agree with them about politics or religion to see their struggles and feel the desire to serve. I don't even have to enjoy spending a lot of time around them to love them! I think my job is to see them for what and who they are--people. Human beings, spiritually made and driven, just like me. To remember that each and every one of us comes into and goes out of this world alone and that every time I show love to someone, I'm doing what I can to help them not feel alone. That, to me, is friendship.

Go make a friend today.

Happy Late Mothers Day

Sunday morning...Mothers Day. The day everyone celebrates and cherishes and pampers their mom, the day they acknowledge all her hard work and effort, the day she languishes in bed, pampered by a flowered tray carrying delicious heart-shaped pancakes and fresh squeezed orange juice-when cards, gifts and little surprises await...right?









"Mom! Jack is getting into medicine!!!"



I leap from my comfortable sleep, barely coherent to rush into the dining room and find, scattered down the hall and in front of the couch, mom's "medicine", which is, thankfully IceBreakers wintergreen mints.

"Phew!" I think, thanking Rosie for being such a great big sis and gathering the remains of my breath fresheners.



A spot...more like a dribble...catches my eye...coming out of my refrigerator and i turn, only to

audibly *gasp!*


"What happened???"

"I didn't do it mom, Jack did it this time, with the stool!"

"Jack!?!!! Did you make this mess!!!???"

"yeeeah I maked a meth wif ur eggs"

"jack, you did it?!" (Im sure Rosie was as shocked as I was, and tho I can't confirm it, I could have sworn I saw a look of pride in her eyes, surveying her protege's early morning project)



Still holding my mints, I wander, bewildered into the kitchen and open the fridge..bright green ooze trailed the veggie drawer and into the fan grates and down onto the tile....I look over at my little son, his diaper-clad self gazing adoringly at me, green mustache and all.



"I maked gween moovee (smoothie) for yuh!"



I turn back to blankly stare at the scene...the aforementioned stepstool moved close to the counter, littered with crumbled white shells and slime I guessed to be egg white...the egg carton empty of eggs...my 400 dollar blender, half full of eggs, shells and what I'm guessing is my "mooovee" and yolky footprints leading to the culprit, bewildered and excited at the reaction from the mama who, just last night, he had asked to "quish" him "yike a pam cake"before bedtime...

(discouraged sigh),

"oh Jack...I love you"

"Yuv too mama"



...it's the thought that counts right?

Today I climbed a mountain...

So yesterday, got together with a friend and thought we'd head out to Provo Canyon. I've recently been exploring the idea that I could possibly be a 'nature girl' but that I really hadn't taken the time to find out. So, part of my excitement for spring was to be able to figure out how well old Mother Nature and I get along. Surprisingly, I think we can be friends!

Standing at the base of Bridal Veil Falls, I thought "well. now is as good a time as any, right?" and i said "let's do it". We got to the middle and looked down...the ascent wasn't nearly as stressful as the descent looked like it would be...but the top looked so close! Too close to give up on, honestly. How would I feel looking back, seeing the top and realizing it would have only taken a precious few more steps to sit at the top, on a rock outcropping about 3000 feet above the ground? Well, I won't ever know, because I DID get to the top. And it was pretty frigging amazing.

As I sat there, looking down, I had a revelation. Right there, at the moment I was sitting on the top of a mountain, I felt awesome-powerful, strong, re-energized, optimistic. Which is how we feel, when we conquer problems-those mountains of life, the ones that are disguised as molehills (or wait, is it the other way around?), the stumbling blocks that bring us crashing to the ground, etc. When we conquer those, life is good. It's climbing back down the mountain that is scary. Getting back on the ground, back to real-life. That's the real challenge. Taking that energy, optimism and willingness to work, climb and sweat for what we want in life-that is the scary sight we often see awaiting us at the bottom.

So. I took a rock from Bridal Veil. It's pretty big, considering I had to climb back down the way-slipperier-than-it-looked-or-felt slope. But I purposely chose a big one because I have a tendency to toss out memoirs-not things from my kids, but things I pick up that I think might be good to remind me of certain activities, experiences. But too often those things are small and get lost among the shuffle of daily life and i find myself with a pile of movie tickets, rocks, pieces of fabric or ribbon or cards that really....well add to the clutter of my life. A big black rock with a solid strip of quartz on the bottom isn't gonna get tossed as easily. And I'll remember. The biggest mountains we face are the ones at the bottom of the slope. Whether going up, OR coming down.

Yes. Spring made it. Fashionably late and ready to leave at the drop of a hat, as always here in Utah. :/